To Kill a Manual Transmission

I love driving, but once in a while, I prefer to just take the backseat and be driven around. It’s a welcome change when you ride along turning your head from side to side watching that tree in full bloom or the beautiful colors in the sky at dusk or staring at that beautiful girl in the car you just passed. However, as much as I would be happy doing those things, I usually end up concentrating on the road, the traffic, the driver and more importantly the gear changes with my internals in my mouth!

Yes, this article is inspired by those wonderful drivers who seem to have unknowingly discovered a million ways to kill their manual transmissions.

Let’s start at home with daddy dearest. Dad has done most of his driving at the airport shuttling between the terminal and the aircraft along the tarmac. The problem is that he thinks the regular road is a runway and before you know, the car has hit 30km/h and you start hearing the screaming of the engine as if it’s being strangled. You look down at the shift lever and your jaw drops, you try to scream but you choke – the car is still in FIRST GEAR!!! I take a look around to confirm that I am not at a drag racing strip. I say a silent prayer and try my best not to look at the shifter. After a while the screaming reappears. I look up – 80km/h, I look down – 4th gear. Goddamit! Still in FOURTH?? Now my dad is old school and when he learned to drive on the good old Fiat, it only had 4 gears. But this car has 5 and even after having owned the car for half a decade, he still doesn’t shift to fifth till I tell him to do so! Sorry dad, but there’s nothing wrong with the car, it’s your driving that’s giving you the poor mileage.

Then I have this friend who redefined adventure sport for me. After 30 odd of the wildest roller coaster rides, I still hadn’t obtained “Nirvana” or what is more commonly known as motion-sickness. Then on a bright Sunday morning, I was offered a ride by my friend. Half an hour into the ride, I almost experienced a highly spiritual out-of-body experience (read as I was ready to throw up). It was then that I noticed the halo around my Little Buddha who was driving the car! No, I’m serious! It was almost like someone from the time of Buddha was in the driver’s seat, someone whose prior driving experience was with horse-carts. Every gear shift made the whole car lurch ahead violently. And the shifting was so randomized that you could actually introduce it as a gambling game in Las Vegas. If the car was going at a certain speed in 3rd gear, there was no way you could tell what gear the car would be in the next moment nor could you tell what gear it would be in at that very speed sometime later in the ride. This was one time when I would have loved to do backseat driving. And I mean literally – I wish I had a steering wheel, gear shifter and the pedals in the back. I am surprised that the transmission didn’t jump out of the car and run away. Talk about guts!

Then there are the not so interesting characters that do either one or more of the following cool things:
-  Start applying the gas pedal even before they have let the clutch out
-  Let out the clutch too early creating the familiar metal grinding sound
-  Slow down and then try to accelerate in a high gear
-  Shift into a lower gear while trying to shift to a higher gear
-  Keep the gear engaged and clutch depressed while waiting at the stop light
-  Slam the shifter with all their strength as if driving a 10-ton truck

The list goes on and on. So how NOT to kill a manual transmission? I guess I’ll write about it sometime soon. Another option? Do me a favor and go buy yourself an automatic transmission. Happy driving!

I’ll be back

The crazy weather patterns took their toll on me. It’s been an uneventful and rather forgetful week. A bout of viral fever, the death of a close relative and horrible weather just killed my motivation to write. But now I am feeling better. Should be back to 100% in a day or two. So keep checking…

Golmaal: Fun Unlimited

Considering this was a Bollywood comedy, I went to the theater with the least expectations. At the same time I was not sure if the movie would have anything new to offer from the recent spate of comedies such as Phir Hera Pheri, Garam Masala, No Entry, 36 China Town (oops! Sorry, that was not supposed to be a comedy!).

The movie starts with Madhav (Arshad Warsi) waiting in line for college admissions. Enter Lucky (Tusshar Kapoor) and Laxman (Sharman Joshi) dressed as goons. They start demanding money from Madhav and just when he is about to pay up, Gopal (Ajay Devgan) enters, grabs his hand and refuses to pay up. For a moment you wonder if this is going to be an action movie. However, what follows from this point onwards just leaves you in splits.

Laxman is a sincere student while the other three have been kicked out of college for their notoriety and habit of conning people with the most outrageous schemes. Through a chain of events, Laxman also gets kicked out and the foursome end up at the house of a blind couple (Paresh Rawal, Susmita Mukherjee) pretending to be their grandson Sameer from Amreeka.

Three of them, excluding Lucky try to woo the same girl, their next door neighbor Nirali (Rimi Sen). Their efforts includes a sequence where they try to save her from getting “raped” and another where they end up in her bedroom with some outrageous gifts in the middle of the night on Valentine’s Day.

All this leads up to a chaotic climax where a gangster lands up at the blind couple’s house to retrieve something belonging to him that has somehow ended up in the blind man’s treasure chest.

The plot if any is almost non-existent. However, Neeraj Vora’s dialogs and Rohit Shetty’s direction gives the audience a thoroughly entertaining movie. It’s an absolute paisa-wasool (money’s worth) movie. The music on its own is pedestrian but gels well with the movie.

The cinematography of the movie is really cool. All the scenes are full of vibrant colors and there are two scenes that particularly stand out. The first is the flashback scene when Paresh Rawal is narrating his love story. The entire scene and music changes to the song sequences of the 40’s, 50’s era and the color changing back and forth from color to black-and-white is brilliant. The other scene is where Devgan and Arshad impersonate the old couple with a take-off on Black. This scene is hilarious.

Among the actors, Arshad Warsi rocks with his comic timing and is the best of the lot. Sharman Joshi is a close second and ends up delivering his own dialogs as well as translates for Tusshar Kapoor who plays a mute person. You see a new improved Tusshar Kapoor who delivers a hilarious comic performance. Maybe they should have him play a mute character in all his movies so that he delivers good performances. Ok wait…I’m digressing from the topic. Ajay Devgan is a disappointment as his comic timing is way off. He doesn’t seem to be at ease playing the comic role. Paresh Rawal is as usual at his best and delivers flawlessly in every scene that he is present in. As for Rimi Sen, well…she is alright.

Rating: Between B and B plus. What we get after two-and-a-half hours is a movie that is way different from all the other comedies of recent times. From start to end, the movie is packed with gags that are not loud, witty one-liners and clean jokes. What stands out is the total absence of vulgarity, and double entendres. And of course the punch is delivered with the amazing comic timing of almost all the actors. As they say, keep it simple and that’s exactly what Golmaal is all about. Simple entertainment and loads of fun.

Syd Barrett passes away

Syd Barrett, a founding member of the legendary rock band Pink Floyd died a few days ago at the age of 60. Read about it here and here.

He was a wonderful vocalist and an innovative guitarist who explored a variety of possibilities using the echo machine, feedback, distortion and dissonance. He was one of the pioneers of psychedelic music who rendered that unearthly, haunting sound that is the trademark of Pink Floyd songs.

The Pink Floyd song “Wish You Were Here” is a fitting tribute to the brilliant but eccentric musician.

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air to a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war,
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground
Have we found?
The same old fears
Wish you were here

May your soul Rest In Peace.

Open Letter from Mumbai to the Terrorists

Update/Disclaimer: In response to the various queries I received, no, this letter is not written by me, though I wish I could. The reason I put it up here was because it was written from the heart.

Dear Terrorist,

Even if you are not reading this we don’t care. Time and again you tried to disturb us and disrupt our life – killing innocent civilians by planting bombs in trains, buses and cars. You have tried hard to bring death and destruction, cause panic and fear and create communal disharmony but every time you were disgustingly unsuccessful. Do you know how we pass our life in Mumbai? How much it takes for us to earn that single rupee? If you wanted to give us a shock then we are sorry to say that you failed miserably in your ulterior motives. Better look elsewere, not here.

We are not Hindus and Muslims or Gujaratis and Marathis or Punjabis and Bengalis. Nor do we distinguish ourselves as owners or workers, govt employees or private employees. WE ARE MUMBAIKARS (Bombay-ites, if you like).

We will not allow you to disrupt our life like this. On the last few occassions when you struck (including the 13 deadly blasts in a single day killing over 250 people and injuring 500+ in 1993), we went to work next day in full strength. This time we cleared everything within a few hours and were back to normal – the vendors placing their next order, businessmen finalizing the next deals and the office workers rushing to catch the next train. (Yes the same train you targeted)

Fathom this: Within 3 hours of the blasts, long queues of blood donating volunteers were seen outside various hospitals, where most of the injured were admitted. By 12 midnight, the hospital had to issue a notification that blood banks were full and they didn’t require any more blood. The next day, attendance at schools and office was close to 100%, trains & buses were packed to the brim, and the crowds were back.

The city has simply dusted itself off and moved one – perhaps with greater vigor. We are Mumbaikars and we live like brothers in times like this. So, do not dare to threaten us with your crackers. The spirit of Mumbai is very strong and can not be harmed.

Please forward this to others. You never know, by chance it may come to hands of a terrorist and he can then read this message which is specially meant for him!!!

With Love,

From the people of Mumbai (Bombay)

Can India take action against the terrorist nation?

The lifeline of Mumbai – the Western Railway – that carries tens of thousands of commuter everyday was rocked by a series of 7 bomb blasts between 6:30pm – 7:00pm. Everyone knows which nation has its hand in this act of terrorism. Earlier in the day, Jammu and Kashmir was the victim of grenade attacks.

This is proof enough that the peace initiative is a complete failure. India has to completely shut down its borders and now the only way to act is to fight fire with fire. Now let’s see if the world – USA, UK in particular – comes to the aid of India in its fight against terrorism. Its time to smoke out the bastards.

Zidane “uses” his head, Italy are World Champions

At the end of one the most brilliantly fought matches, it boiled down to penalties and the Azzurri were flawless scoring 5/5 from the spot. I am still in awe and absolutely elated that the team I was supporting in the finals won.

However I am sad that the most amazing career of one of the legends of soccer came to a disgraceful end. Why? Why? WHY oh Why? Why did Zidane – the most cool-headed footballer in recent years – in a moment of indiscretion do that headbutt? It really brings tears to my eyes even writing about it. He can’t even take part in the presentation ceremony. Good luck to you Zidane. God bless. Thank you for the years of mesmerizing soccer that you treated us to.

Nadal stretches Federer

Roger Federer won his fourth Wimbledon title 6-0, 7-6(5), 6-7(2), 6-3, but not before having to fight off Rafael Nadal who was on high-octane. Federer lost his first set of the tournament and he had to play his longest match of this tournament.

Nadal seemed to be a ball of nerves in the first set. After all, he was on Center Court, playing in the Wimbledon finals against The God of Wimbledon. But he found his rhythm and he made Federer play that one extra shot on each rally. For a clay-court specialist to adapt so well to grass speaks volumes of this kid’s talents. I think Nadal has proven his critics that he is a good all-round player. You CANNOT reach the Wimbledon finals and give Federer a run for his money if you are not talented…period!

Tension in Mumbai: Stupidity Rules

Q. What happens when a dim-witted, crack-headed community’s acts of outright stupidity get a response from an air-headed political party comprising of nincompoops?

A. It results in the loss of innocents lives, damage to public property, a tense atmosphere through the city and an utter waste of a Sunday.

Superman Returns

After a wait of almost two decades, the red caped crusader was back on the big screen. As the opening credits started rolling and the theme by John Williams started playing, I was almost ready to jump out of my seat and scream with joy.

Having grown up reading Superman comics, there was a very strange connection with this particular superhero. He was from a different planet but was brought up by human parents who had imbibed the goodness of mankind into him and he had been accepted by mankind as one of their own and he had accepted them as his own. He was an alien who was always there to save mankind. The connection was so strong that I had even labeled my bedroom as “The Fortress of Solitude”

So here I was again watching my favorite superhero return. The movie begins on the premise that Superman has been away to take a look at Krypton and has returned to Earth after 5 years. Meanwhile his nemesis Lex Luthor is out of jail and is back to his evil ways. He has discovered Superman’s ‘Fortress of Solitude’ and cheats a dying old lady of her wealth to fund his elaborate plan to eliminate Superman.

Back at the Daily Planet, Sam Huntington is excited to see Clark Kent return to work. Lois Lane is engaged and has a son and this big change surprises Clark.

Right away we get the first glimpse of Superman as the experimental plane on which Lois is traveling gets into trouble and is hurtling towards the ground without wings. The special effects in this scene are simply mind-blowing, especially the ripples that travel along the length of the plane as Superman pushes against its nose to break its fall. This is undoubtedly one of the best scenes in the movie.

Singer has added his own touch in depicting Superman’s superpowers. Whenever he uses his super hearing, the sound has a more electronic feel to it. The X-Ray vision is also depicted wonderfully – the scene where he watches Lois go up in an elevator is beautiful. Another wonderful touch that Singer has added is a sonic-boom-like sound every time Superman zooms up into the clouds and the heat created around him at reentry into the atmosphere.

However the scene that is far beyond your imagination is when Superman arrives at the scene of bank robbery in progress and gets shot in the eye. What happens when a bullet meets Superman’s eye is sure to make your jaw drop and give you goosebumps.

As for the characters and the actors, this is where you MUST watch this movie from a neutral standpoint. Though comparisons to Christopher Reeves, Margot Kidder and Gene Hackman are natural, they really should be avoided to give the current actors their due.

Kevin Spacey does justice to the role of Lex Luthor to a great extent. He is comical at times and adds the humor element to the movie. And the ease with which he presents his evil plans brings to life the Lex from the comic books. However, the character is a little too serious and toned down for the movie.

Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane is no longer the feisty Lois of old. But this change is justified in an earlier scene where Clark mentions that he cannot believe that someone like Lois can settle down. So they have changed Lois’ character. Does Bosworth do it justice? Yes. Is the change in Lois’ character, though justified by the director, acceptable? Absolutely not! It is Lois who adds the charm to the Superman movies and we don’t see that at all in this dose of Superman.

And now to Brandon Routh – he is my new Superman! From his well-balanced physique, you can see the hard work this guy has put in to play the role as it would have been very hard to hide any flaws such as skinny legs in a bodysuit. However, he needs to work on his portrayal of Clark Kent. There was a little something missing in that jestful grin that we associate with the bumbling Clark.

Singer rocked in the special effects department, however he brings with him a dark, serious feel to the movie – it almost feels like X-Men at times. The movie too is shot is a lot of dark tones unlike the previous versions which were very bright. But I have to applaud Singer for his efforts and he does a brilliant job especially with expectations running at an all-time high.

My rating: A minus. Every adventure scene of Superman gave me goosebumps all over. It is a fun movie to watch on the big screen. Wish they would have screened the 3-D version at the IMAX in my city. And yeah, there is a big surprise awaiting all of you moviegoers as Superman meets someone special in the movie. Who is it? Well, you have to watch it for yourself.

The Brilliant Azzurri

The World Cup semi-finals, the most consistent team against one of the most criticized team that many considered was lucky to even be here. The Germans were considered outright favorites, but the Azzurri (Italy) had different ideas.

The game kicked off in an attacking mode, was extremely fast and it never lost pace. Every attack was responded with a fitting counter-attack and before you knew, the game was in extra time. The start of extra time saw Italy hit the goal-post twice within a minute and one could not help but think that it probably was Germany’s day.

With two minutes left in extra time and penalty shoot-out looking a certainty, a forceful Italian attack saw Grosso produce a brilliant shot to give Italy the lead. A deathly silence seemed to spread across the stadium. The Germans had no option but to push forward and try to score and this move backfired since they left their defense wide open and Del Piero scored to take the Azzurri into the finals beating the Germans 2-0.

This was soccer at its best and considering the way Italy is peaking at the right time, I would not be surprised if they go all the way to be World Champions.

Brazil gets Les Bleus

It was supposed to be a repeat of the World Cup 98 finals and Brazil was seeking revenge. But instead they got the blues against Les Bleus (that’s what France is calling itself in this World Cup)

If you hadn’t seen the 98 finals, this match was almost a rerun of it. Brazil looked completely listless and clueless. Their big stars – Ronaldinho (FIFA footballer of the year), Ronaldo (the most feared striker) and Kaka were completely shut out by the French defenders and the Brazilian mid-field seemed like it had never ever heard of the word “creativity”.

On the other hand, Zidane has gotten better with each game and seems to reserve his best against Brazil and yesterday he was the Wizard of the French mid-field. Henry was explosive in spurts but was well marked by the Brazilian defense. However a rare lapse in concentration saw Henry being left unmarked and Zidane’s masterful cross was bang on target and all Henry had to do was put his toes to it and France was ahead 1-0.

Aggressive substitutions saw Adriano and Robinho take the field for Brazil to add some sting to their attack but it was little too late.

No South American team has ever won the World Cup when it’s held in Europe except on one instance. This instance was in 1958 and the team was none other than Brazil and that was also the last time Brazil had beaten France in a competitive match. So I was hoping against hope that Brazil would be able to break that curse again, but it was not meant to be. They will have to wait another four years to take a shot at the cup. It also marked the end of the World Cup carrier for Ronaldo, who would have been thrilled to have at least scored against the French.

Another One Bites The Dust

So another game went down to the wire and Portugal eliminated England from the World Cup via the penalty shoot-out. The game was a closely fought one with neither team willing to budge.

The game started off at a really fast pace with both teams attacking relentlessly, but after the initial burst, the game slowed down a couple of notches with neither team really troubling the opponent goalkeeper. From the statistics, it would like both teams deserved to win. However the actual game was different all together.

I would say that England lost the game due to a lot of missed chances. Right from the start of this World Cup, their passing has been atrocious and though the team consists of the best players from England, it is not the best team from England! The players seemed to lack the pin-point accuracy displayed by Argentina, Brazil and Germany that comes only when the players know each others game inside out.

Another big factor in this loss was the outright stupidity of Wayne Rooney. While jostling for the ball, he stepped on his tackler while he was down. The referee intervened and this is when Rooney should have just walked away. Instead he stayed on and shoved aside Cristiano Ronaldo who was protesting with the referee. The referee did not hesitate in flashing the red card to give Rooney the marching orders. This was definitely the turning point of the game.

As for the penalty shoot-out, the lesser said the better. I will sum it up in three words – Royal Mess Up!

Lady Luck (and the referee) ignores Argentina

It was THE match of the World Cup and it didn’t fail to impress. Both Argentina and Germany played some amazing soccer and it was really difficult to differentiate between the two teams during the first 90 minutes and then through the 30 minutes of extra time. It was the sort of game where you would say “may the better team win”, but in this case it was more of “may the luckier team (aptly aided by the referee) win”.

No, don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to take away any credit from the Germans. They played some brilliant soccer, especially Ballack, who carried on, assisted in their only goal during regulation time and even took a penalty kick despite and niggling leg injury. However the match referee Michel Lubos was blatantly harsh on Argentina and just ignored any German misbehavior. While Rodriguez was shown the yellow card for play-acting when in fact he was fouled, Ballack was just let go when he play-acted. Germans were awarded free-kicks even when the player took a fall themselves whereas the game went on even when the Argentina players were blatantly tripped and pushed. Though it did not directly count towards a goal, this does go a long way in messing up the players focus and that could be clearly seen in the way Argentina began to lose focus towards the end of regulation time and looked completely down during extra time.

Luck seemed to be against them too when they lost their best goalkeeper Abbondanzieri to an injury that in turn reduced their substitution options. Earlier in the second half, Ayala opened the scoring through a beautiful header off a perfect cross from Riquelme. But soon the refereeing started getting horrible and in between losing their focus and their goalkeeper, Argentina conceded a goal to the Germans. The goal itself was a brilliant piece of soccer from Ballack and Klose.

Argentina also flawed in their tactics by replacing a Riquelme with Cambiasso and Crespo with Cruz a little too early. Cruz was a complete dud and moved around as if he had an iron ball tied to his legs. I am still clueless as to why Messi wasn’t unleashed on the Germans?

When it came to the penalties, Neuville, Ballack, Podolski and Borowski all managed to score for Germany. Cruz scored the first one for Argentina. Next up was Ayala who looked all but confident as he walked up to take the kick. His shot was pathetic and was easily saved by Lehmann. Rodriguez scored and Cambiasso came up to the spot. He had to score but his body language said otherwise. His shot was kept out by Lehmann and I just couldn’t control my tears.

My favorite team is out of the World Cup and now its time to root for the other South American magicians – BRAZIL!